10 Things I'd Do Differently

Billy Graham was once asked, "If you could, would you go back and do anything differently?" Billy. Graham. After roughly seventy years of amazingly effective ministry, perhaps the most effective itinerant ministry in history--at least since Paul of Tarsus.

I won't tell you what he said (you can read that interview here) other than to say he very quickly mentioned four things he would have done differently.

I'm no Billy Graham. I'm barely even Billy Goat Gruff (ask your mom). So if he listed four things he'd do differently, it should be no surprise to anyone that I can easily list ten:

1. I would pray a LOT more. I prayed, of course, from the start, but not nearly as I learned to do much later. Maybe it took the wisdom of years to realize how much I needed prayer and how much prayer I needed.

2. I would spend more time with my wife and kids. Unapologetically. Even fiercely.

3. I would say no. It also took me a long time to understand how much of a "people pleaser" I am, and how liable I was to let others set my agenda and calendar for me.

4. I would Sabbath. Several years in to my pastoral ministry experience, I did begin to carve out a "day off," but it wasn't until much later that I learned and experienced the blessing of a weekly Sabbath.

5. I would talk mission and vision incessantly. An older and wiser pastor once urged me to cast vision every ninety days or it will "seep out." My response was more or less, "yeah, right." He was right. I was wrong.

6. I would read my Bible. Sure, sure, I read my Bible. Like every pastor. That's just it, though. If I had the chance to do it again, I would read my Bible more and differently--like a pirate reads a treasure map, like a death row prisoner reads a pardon, like a poor relation reads a rich uncle's will.

7. I would show mercy. I regret some of my leadership decisions over the years, and most--maybe all--of my regrets relate to a failure of mercy.

8. I would (God helping me, because He would have to, contrary to my nature as it is) address conflict, gossip, and disunity one-on-one, as early as possible and as often as necessary.

9. I would do less and teach my church how to do less. I would focus on a few things (as this book suggests) and do them well, and one of those few things would be helping the church do a few things and do them well.

10. I would eschew "growing my church" in favor of "blessing our community."

Shoot, I could easily keep going. And going. I could be the "Energizer Bunny" of "things I would do differently." But these will suffice for now, because they will have to.

Systems and Tasks

For much of my ministry life, I focused the majority of my efforts on "getting stuff done." I kept a daily to-do list and worked it like a borrowed mule. I took no little pride in my ability to accomplish a lot, day after day.

If I had it to do over again, though, I would shift my focus from accomplishing tasks to installing systems wherever and whenever possible.

A system is a mechanism that accomplishes tasks. A task is something you do; a system is something that does.

You already use simple systems. You probably have an alarm that automatically sounds at the same time every morning (or most mornings). That's a simple system. You set it once, and then don't have to bother with it thereafter (except to change it on vacation). The timer or solar "eye" that turns on your security lights or landscaping lights is another automated system.

Good systems get things done, often and preferably without your continued involvement. They automate and streamline decision-making and implementation. They prevent overload and burnout. They allow leaders to focus on big-picture things instead of too many "to-dos."

What are some systems to install in your ministry? It differs drastically from one situation to another, of course. But here are a few examples:

• Many churches have used a "phone tree" to notify people of a prayer need, change in schedule, etc. Nowadays, a system like this is often accomplished online (e.g., www.caringmeals.com).
• Clear plans and posted procedures for various situations (e.g., who gets called first when the church basement floods? Second? etc.).
• A pastoral care system. Many pastors, churches, and church members assume that all pastoral care (such as when someone is homebound, bereaved, or in the hospital) has to be done by the pastor. Sometimes, that is best. But in other cases, a system can be installed whereby a team of people make calls, coordinate meals, send flowers, etc. Especially as a church grows larger it becomes more important to involve more people in this important ministry.
• Sermon and worship planning. I've already posted on this blog about the advantages of annual plans (see here). Such planning enables the development of multiple systems that is impossible if Sunday's plans are developed a few days in advance. The same applies to the rest of the church calendar.
• Schedules. Rather than grabbing ushers a few seconds before the offering is to be taken, how about posting monthly schedules of greeters, ushers, prayer counselors, etc.? 
• Automated giving. Technology now allows people to automate their giving to the church, simplifying the budgetary and reporting process. 

These are just a few examples, of course. Here's another: does the church secretary or receptionist know if/when to call pastors on their day off or sermon-writing day? Shoot, just having a "Do Not Disturb" sign (or, maybe, "I'm Praying, Go Away, Sucka!" sign) is an example of a simple and workable system. 

So what systems have worked for you? What systems do you need to install? 

(photo via everystockphoto.com)

How to Stay Married In Ministry

Today is the thirty-eighth wedding anniversary for me and the lovely Robin. I know, I don't look old enough to have been married for thirty-eight years. Oh...that wasn't what you were thinking? Never mind, then.

While our marriage and family life haven't been without a struggle here or there (which were all my fault; that's my story and I'm sticking with it), our love hasn't just survived the challenges that come with being married while in ministry; it has grown and deepened along the way--to the extent that I list our marriage as a major ministry success (here). So since I am sometimes asked how Robin has managed to stay married to me all these years, I offer my best guesses as to what has done the trick for us:

1. Date night. From the very start, we have reserved one evening a week to date each other. To focus on each other. To remember why we fell in love in the first place.

2. Boundaries. I wrote a whole post about "Boundaries for Pastors," so I won't belabor it here. But careful boundaries have protected us both, and deepened our mutual trust.

3. Days off and vacations. I know some ministry couples who rarely take days off and seldom take their vacation time from the church. I think that's foolish. You can't give good things to your spouse if you've spent it all at the church.

4. Retreats and classes. Over the years, the lovely Robin and I have taken periodic marriage retreats or enrichment weekends. Those things have given us invaluable help in (for example), learning each other's intimacy needs, conflict-management styles, and learning styles, among other things. They've helped us to gain deeper understanding of each other and make adjustments along the way.

5. Premarital counseling. We never had premarital counseling before our wedding. But we've provided it for scores of couples--and each time we do, we brush up on our own skills.

6. Frequent renewal of vows. On our thirty-fifth anniversary, the lovely Robin and I renewed our vows behind a waterfall in Great Smoky Mountain National Park. That was fun and wonderful. But we do much the same thing at every wedding we attend, holding hands and silently renewing our vows as the couple getting married recite theirs.

7. Mutuality. Our marriage has never been a hierarchy but a gift-based partnership (1 Corinthians 7:4, 11:11-12). We each have clearly defined responsibilities and roles, but in our marriage these things are based on the way God has molded us and gifted us. We try to outdo each other in love, respect, kindness, and self-sacrifice...and we both end up winning.

I could go on, of course. The lovely Robin's beauty, grace, and patience should top the list, no doubt. But these seven things have gone a long way toward enabling us to go a long way--more than halfway to our seventieth anniversary.

A Prayer for Pastors

God of all,
we know you sent us out to do your work,
to face rejection,
to spread the good news of the Kingdom of God,
to have people turn their backs on us,
to be your prophets,
to be laughed at,
to heal the sick,
to be dismissed,
to travel light,
sometimes broke and sometimes penniless,
and sometimes rich and wealthy.

We are reminded to shake off the dust from our shoes
when we are not welcome and not listened to.
We are reminded that in our weakness you are strong.
We are reminded that in all of this, Jesus too was rejected and a scandal to many.

Lord, today some of us step into pulpits as your prophets
in places where we have been treated less than kind,
and sometimes outright rejected.
Lord, pour your healing salve into the wounds we carry.

Today, some of us are so wounded from the attacks
that it is hard to lift our feet to shake the dust off our shoes.
Pour your healing grace over us that makes Christ's power perfect in our weakness.

Today, some of us feel like total failures and like giving up.
Pour your steadfast love into us that we may see ourselves as you see us,
and not give up as you yourself did not give up. Amen.

(From Rev Abi's Long and Winding Road blog; cross-posted from www.oneprayeraday.com. The photo--of the pulpit in Worms Cathedral, Worms, Germany--was taken by me).

Pastors and Office Hours

This post by Thom Rainer is priceless. I never had a church leader stalk me to make sure I was putting in "office hours" like he did, but I did once lose a series of battles with church leaders over the issues he lists here. Read it. It's good.

(photo by Steve Snodgrass via everystockphoto.com)

Are We Missing an Opportunity?

I have always believed (and experienced) that the Church is the greatest force for good in this world and their communities. Some more than others, of course. And I have always prayed for and looked for ways to make that more of a reality--and a visible one--in the churches I've served.

I've been honored over the years to be a part of thriving faith communities that have offered daily day care to children and seniors, visited lonely prisoners and nursing home patients, served weekly or monthly meals to those in need, given away backpacks to schoolkids, offered free oil changes to single parents, and more. I love it.

But I can't help but wonder if--even with all that--most churches are missing a golden opportunity.

These tough economic times present many challenges for states, communities, schools, and churches. Programs are being cut. Communities are changing. So much is changing, and so much of it seems to be for the worse. It is rough. But I wonder why we church folk don't more often see these changes as open doors for ministry, for giving value to our communities.

When I preach a sermon or write a book, one of the first things I try to do is connect with listeners or readers by hitting a nerve, touching a soft spot, meeting a need that they already had--and knew they had--before they began worship or started reading. We need to do that sort of thing not only as preachers and writers, but also as churches. We need to benefit our communities not only with evangelistic programs or Bible studies, but by meeting needs they feel keenly and daily. For example:

1. Music, art, and drama lessons. The arts are often the first victims when schools face lean times and have to make budget cuts. Many churches can offer free or low-cost lessons by gifted musicians, artists, and thespians with talent they already possess. In fact, my faith background, The Salvation Army, continues to produce some of the finest musicians, vocalists, and other artists in the world, and has always offered free lessons to all comers. But few folks in the community are aware of these opportunities.

2. ESL or SSL classes. Many look at the growing immigrant population in our communities as a threat, or at least a problem to be solved. But what an opportunity it presents for the church! Why not serve both Latino and English-speaking communities? Anglo congregations can (and sometimes do) offer English-as-a-Second-Language classes and Latino congregations can help their neighbors learn Spanish while building relationships (and bridges) at the same time. I'd sign up for the latter in a heartbeat. Or a salsa beat.

3. Community gardens. With the rising cost of groceries, I wish we could convert the large lawns many churches and churchgoers possess into community gardens to teach and feed. Like the garden pictured above, in the Over-the-Rhine area of urban Cincinnati.

These are just a few of the opportunities I think we may be missing...opportunities to bless our communities, to get out of our Sunday-and-Wednesday ghettos, open doors, make new friends, and well, hey, maybe just answer some prayers.

So what do you think? Am I crazy? Or loco como un zorro? Are there other opportunities you think the church ought to be seizing?

(photo: Wyatt Baker)

Pastors and Policies

One of the ways I have missed the Gospel in my years as a pastor and church leader has been in relating and responding to people legislatively instead of pastorally. While of course there are times when rules must be set and policy must be followed--I'm a big fan of smart policies and procedures--it is always a mistake to apply them without a loving pastoral heart.

For example, remember. Jesus' encounter with the "rich young ruler?" It's an amazing interaction:

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”

“Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth (Mark 10:17-22, NIV).

I imagine if those first followers of Jesus had been more like us they would have reasoned, "Ah, so to be biblical, we must apply Jesus' challenge to that guy across the board, to everyone. That means to enter the kingdom, you gotta sell everything; Jesus said so. Poverty is the policy. So, Zacchaeus--you're out (half just won't do). All you women who say you follow Jesus and provide his needs--give it all to the poor or you're not a true follower of Jesus."

Can you imagine? I can. Because we do it all the time. We try to legislate people's paths. Rather than approaching people as varied as Nicodemus, the woman at the well, the rich young ruler, and others differently--personally and pastorally, according to their needs and gifts and so on--we strive for consistency and uniformity in conversion, discipleship, leadership, etc. Even though Jesus didn't seem to do that.

To some extent, at least, I think we are often motivated more by a desire to control than by faith. For example, take the woman who was caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). Jesus demonstrated compassion and forgiveness to her, and told her (after saving her from death by stoning) "Go and sin no more." But where was the follow up? He didn't prescribe a recovery group or accountability process. He showed what must seem to twenty-first-century church leaders a surprisingly lax attitude toward her conduct after that moment (see this post). Was anyone responsible for checking on her? Was there any strategy to make sure she didn't return to her sinful conduct? Or was it left up to her? Seriously?

To be fair, these incidents are not recorded in novelizations. The Gospel writers felt no need to tie up the loose ends of every encounter they recorded. But they do seem to contrast with the way we treat people today--as if laws and policies are more effective in changing lives than the living presence of the loving Christ.

I could be wrong. I'd probably like it better if I were.

The Importance Of An Abundance Mentality For Leaders

A little while ago the Ministry Best Practices blog featured a post entitled, "The Importance Of An Abundance Mentality For Leaders." It's a doozy. It says,

It is important to live with an abundance mentality. When we release and give ourselves away - our resources multiply. Having that abundance mentality is also key for leaders.

Can I get an amen? This was always my ambition as a pastor and leader, but unfortunately was one of the areas in which I failed to adequately impart that vision to others...and lived to regret it.

The author of that post lists four examples of "scarcity" thinking and contrasts them with four examples of abundance mentality in church leadership and ministry. I think he's dead on. Read the whole thing (here). You won't be sorry.

(photo by Nina Hostetler)

The Word That Stoops

One of the perils of ministry, particularly for those who (through no "fault" of their own) are ascending to new heights of responsibility and authority, is to become so wrapped up in delegating, allocating, and managing others that--month by month and day by day--we lose a key part of Christian identity and leadership. This excerpt from my new book, The Red Letter Life: 17 Words from Jesus to Inspire Simple, Practical, Purposeful Living, in a chapter titled "The Word That Stoops," may explain:

Samuel Logan Brengle was an accomplished orator who had been offered a highly prestigious position in a large Methodist church. So when he traveled to England to offer his services to William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army, Brengle was surprised that Booth expressed reservations. “You belong to the ‘dangerous classes,’ ” Booth said. “You’ve been your own boss so long that I don’t think you’ll want to submit to Salvation Army discipline.” Worse, on his second day at the Salvation Army’s training college, Brengle was assigned to polish the boots of the other cadets in training:

The devil came at me, and reminded me that I had graduated from a university, had attended a leading theological school, had been pastor of a metropolitan church, had just left evangelistic work in which I saw hundreds seeking the Savior, and that now I was only blacking boots for a lot of ignorant lads. But I reminded my old enemy of the example of my Lord, and he left me, and that little cellar was changed into one of heaven’s anterooms, and my Lord visited me there.

Serve. It is a word easily forgotten. And it is not enough to say, “Oh, sure, I would scrub floors for my brother,” or “I wouldn’t hesitate to serve others.” Jesus didn’t say, “I have set you an example that you should be willing to do as I have done for you.” He didn’t say, “I have set you an example that you should agree in theory with what I have done for you.” He said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you" (John 13:15, NIV).

Whether you are willing or not, if you are not serving others, you are not following Christ. Whether you agree or not, if you are not stooping to serve, you are not obeying his word. Jesus says to you, “Serve.”

No matter how busy you are, how much ministry you facilitate, how many people you direct, the call to serve, to stoop, is a current and constant call.

Time Management for Church Leaders

Bill Easum and Bill Tenny-Brittian are the brains behind the "Only 4 Things Grow Churches" tour (discover more here). They recently wrote a fine blog post that starts out this way:

One of top questions we’ve heard during the Only Four Things Grow Churches tour has to do with the allocation of the pastor’s time. When we suggest that a pastor leading a church of under 450 needs to spend between 70 – 80 percent of their time networking with the unchurched, the grumbling becomes audible and the hands shoot up.

What am I supposed to stop doing?
How do I convince my board?
What about ________?

So, in a nutshell here are some of the things a pastor needs to let go of in order to implement their time reprioritization.

They go on to list six things, including "office hours" and "hospital visitation" (read the whole thing here). I think they're right, although in all my years as a pastor I only succeeded in one or two of the things they list (though I fought hard for them at times). See what you think.

Not Many Of You Were Wise By Human Standards

I read a lot. At least that’s what people tell me. I don’t read nearly as much as I want to, and it seems I’m always pushing to get a little bit of reading time in.

A hefty chunk of my reading these days is blogs. I subscribe to more than fifty blogs and read at least twenty posts every day...mostly by pastors or other leaders. But from time to time I find myself deleting a blog from my RSS feed. It’s not because I disagree with the blogger; I intentionally read people I sometimes disagree with. And it’s not because the blogger has offended me; I don’t offend so easily. And it’s not because the blogger doesn’t have good things to say.

it’s almost always because he or she blogs like an “expert.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m always looking for expert insights and information. I crave it. I depend on it. BUT there’s a difference between being an expert...and sounding like one. There are many people who have the education and experience to speak as an expert.

But “experts” turn me off. One blogger in particular, a spectacularly successful pastor, is a prime example. I admire him. I respect him. I praise God for him and the work he and his church are doing. But I deleted him from my feed, because he writes like an expert. He speaks with the authority of someone who has arrived. A know-it-all. That not only turns me off; it bores me.

Which, come to think of it, is the gripe a lot of folks have about churches and Christians--and especially pastors--in general. We don’t listen, we talk. We have all the answers (or act like we do). We know it all.

Yuck.

May I say again: Yuck. If I am turned off--and bored--by such attitudes, why should I be surprised that others are? God help me to resign from the ranks of the “experts.” God help me not to act like someone who has arrived. God help me to be way too curious and way too humble and way too vulnerable to sound like an expert on anything....except maybe God’s incredible sense of humor in extending grace to me!

Your Kind of Unique

The estimable Seth Godin, on his excellent blog, says there are two kinds of unique:

Sui generis—one of a kind, the one that defines the genus.

That's the goal of the best kind of marketing. To be the best in the world, because the world is defined by what you do.

The impossible way to do that is to be unique because you're famous. There's only one Oprah, of course, because the thing she's famous for is being famous. There will never be another. Louis Vuitton is in this category, 50 Shades of Grey is, and so is the next hearthrob teen sensation. There is no substitute because the attraction is that this is the famous one, accept no substitutes.

The smart way to do it is to be unique before you get lucky and become famous. Take a listen to an old Talking Heads record or a house designed by Wright early in his career. There were unique before they were famous. This takes more patience, more guts and a lot more weirdness because the thing you're doing is actually interesting before it (if you're lucky) becomes popular. You might not end up as Oprah, but your uniqueness is yours, and it can pay off long before the masses choose you merely because you're the famous one.

This applies not only to individuals, but to churches and church leaders. However, it seems to me that few churches take the time to consider if or how they are unique. They simply do what every other church is doing, and hope people will notice them and join them in their journey of being just like everyone else.

This probably worked better in the days when denominationalism was more prevalent and more positive. First Baptist was unique because it was, well, Baptist....and City Methodist was Methodist, etc. People generally knew what to expect from a Lutheran or Roman Catholic or snake handling church.

Not so much these days. Church leaders do themselves, their members, and their communities a favor if they give careful and frequent thought to "What makes us unique?" Or, put another way, "What can we offer to the people of this community....more so than anyone else? Is it the best preaching and teaching? The most uplifting worship? The most participatory worship? Our children's ministry? Our youth group? Our communion wine?"

I believe every church has something unique to offer, if its leaders will take the time and trouble to recognize it and capitalize on it.

So...what is YOUR church uniquely gifted and/or positioned to offer to a hungry, hurting world?

7 Surprises Since Becoming a Pastor

Ron Edmonson, one of the blogging pastors I read regularly, posted recently "7 Surprises Since Becoming a Pastor." I must agree. See if you do:

I haven’t been a pastor throughout my career. In fact, I spent most of my career to this point in the business world. (I realize that makes me an odd duck in many pastor circles, but it’s actually served me well in my ministry roles.)

Coming into ministry later in life, after being a church member, deacon and Sunday school teacher, has given me a unique perspective. I’ve seen ways the church interacts with the pastor I simply had no idea of before I was a pastor. A few surprises have occurred, probably especially when interacting with other pastors who are now my peers. Thankfully, I’ve been in churches that mostly support me as pastor, but I interact with pastors in caustic church environments everyday. Even so, they are some similarities it seems with all pastors. And some of these, or at least the degree to which they exist, has been surprising.

Here are 7 of the biggest surprises in being a pastor:

People don’t understand the role – The old adage that the pastor only works on Sunday…I’m surprised how many think something similar. They may not think Sunday is the only day the pastor works…some can catch on that the message actually has to be written…but they don’t realize the weight of other responsibilities the pastor deals with on a weekly basis. It really is simply an innocent misunderstanding of what’s involved in the position of pastor. (It may seem a contradiction and yet this next one is equally true.)

Various opinions of how a pastor should pastor – Some think I should be the only speaker the church has. Some think I should make every hospital visit. Some want me to do more administration. Some believe I am the resident counselor. Some think I should know every detail of every ministry and every event on the church’s calendar. You get the idea. As diverse as the people of a church are exists the range of opinions here....

Read the rest here.

Are there any you disagree with? Any you would add?

12 Cultural Trends Your Church Can’t Ignore

"Leaders who are willing to reconsider the methods to preserve the mission are usually the ones who succeed long term."

So says Carey Nieuwhof in an excellent post, "12 Cultural Trends Your Church Can’t Ignore." What are those trends? You'll have to read the whole article (here) to find out, but here are six of them:

Online as the New Default

Dialogue

Declining trust

A desire for greater purpose

Trust in user reviews

The death of cash and cheques.

Seriously, read the whole thing.

It seems to me that most churches are ignoring most of these trends and many ignore virtually ALL of them. And they are doing so to their own detriment and to the detriment of the kingdom itself.

Why I Value Female Ministry and Leadership

An icon of Deborah,
the ancient prophetess, warrior,
and judge (leader)

While many in the church still believe and teach that the Bible forbids women from preaching and leading in the church (and often, by extension, in home and society), I value female ministry and leadership as much or more today than ever...for many, many reasons, too numerous to mention. But I will try.

I value female ministry and leadership, first and foremost, because I am utterly convinced that the Bible teaches and portrays its value. Over and over again. Even in the New Testament passages that are routinely used to support and advance patriarchal values. I am thoroughly persuaded by the cogent, thorough scholarship in such works as this article by N. T. Wright and the Grenz and Kjesbo book, Women in the Church: A Biblical Theology of Women in Ministry.

I also value female ministry and leadership because I have profited firsthand from it, in my reading (from Catherine Booth and Phoebe Palmer to Barbara Brown Taylor and Rachel Held Evans), among others; in my childhood and youth (from such women of God as Helen Bender, Arvilla Hostetler, June Rader, etc.); and in my long and winding adulthood (Heather Zempel, Liz Curtis Higgs, Virelle Kidder, etc.).

I have also witnessed firsthand the immense gifts (and often needed balance) women have brought to church teams I have led, to the point that I truly believe all-male church leadership teams are sure to be far more prone to error (see the video at this link for more on this point).

And, not least of all, I value female ministry and leadership because of my wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law. I know these women. They possess incredible gifts that can and should be used accordingly in the church, family, and society. Not to allow them full freedom to do so would be a sin against them, against those they could influence, and against God himself.

11 Things I Wish More Pastors Would Say

One of my favorite bloggers, Rachel Held Evans, recently posted the following list of "11 Things I Wish More Pastors Would Say." See what you think:

1. “I don’t know.”

2. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

3. “What do you think?”

4. “Sometimes I doubt too.”

5. “I need to take a break.”

6. “I need to spend time with my family.”

7. “I’m not exactly sure what this text means, but I’m going to take a stab at it, present some other views, and then we’ll wrestle with it together.”

8. “We don’t have to agree for you to be welcome here.”

9. “This is Christ’s body, broken for you. This is Christ’s blood, shed for you.”

10. “Let’s pray.”

11. “Let’s eat!”

I’m blessed to have had several such pastors in my life, though I realize such humility isn’t a given. The irony, of course, is that saying these things not only liberates a congregation; it also liberates the pastor. Often, the most meaningful and impactful words a pastor can share are spoken away from the pulpit.

Read the original post here.

Do you agree? Disagree? Would you add anything?

Eight Things I Wish I Had Been Taught When Training for Ministry

Charm would've been good, too...

Matt Damico posted recently on "8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Seminary." It's worth reading even if you have never gone to seminary. Even if you never plan to. Even if you pray daily that you won't have to.

But it got me thinking. I'm not sure I can remember eight things I wish someone had told me before seminary. But I can remember and reflect on eight things I wish I had been taught when training for the ministry.

Now, don't get me wrong, my ministry training taught me many things. How to preach, more or less (mostly less). How to visit the sick. How to do simple accounting tasks. How to offer basic pastoral counseling. Stuff like that.

But, looking back now on thirty-plus years of public ministry, these are eight things I really, really wish (somehow) my ministry training had taught me, but didn't:

1. How to pray. To be fair, we did have a seminar on prayer, and I knew there were faculty members who were men and women of deep and constant prayer. And it probably wasn't something I would have learned from a class or seminar, per se, but from the example of a mentor over a period of months and years. (And that's not to say I didn't pray or didn't learn things about prayer, but it was decades before I could say I had truly learned to pray, and that came from a multitude of sources and experiences that I wish I could have had as a twenty-something wannabe pastor).

2. How to read the Bible. I'm grateful for the many great Bible classes I had while training for the ministry, and I was a voracious reader back in my training days, but I think I could have profited from a course (or two, or three) on reading the Bible for personal spiritual profit as opposed to studying it for ministry purposes (maybe along the lines of Gordon Fee's How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth).

3. How to Sabbath. Granted, I trained for ministry in a very activist tradition, but I still wish I had been taught the importance and practice of Sabbath all those years ago. It would have been a boon to my soul and my ministry. And my family.

4. How to handle criticism. Even with my glaring youthful weaknesses, no one could have foreseen all the mistakes I would make in ministry, and all the criticism (much of it justified) I would face over the years. And this alone may have required an additional year or two of training. And I probably would have shrugged off much of it because I truly thought (when I was in my twenties) we could all just get along. But a thorough preparation for criticism would have been helpful, nonetheless.

5. How to say no. This was surely touched on at some point--perhaps in a class or two on time management--but I could have used an entire ministry track on the importance of saying no and the art of saying no.

6. How to get a life. Looking back on three-plus decades of ministry, I can see (now, sure!) how insulated my life (and my family's life) was. I was so absorbed in my church and ministry that I barely knew my neighbors, barely had any friends outside my church or denomination, barely had any life outside the bunker of my responsibilities. This probably goes with knowing how to Sabbath or say no, but I fervently wish I had known how to (and had the priority of) getting a life in my community and neighborhood.

7. How to speak another modern language. I can't count how many times I've tried to learn Spanish over the years. Nor can I quantify how many times it would have been a blessing in my interactions with others. I know there are only so many hours in the day and days in the week for seminarians, but I do wish I had learned at least one modern language before launching out in ministry.

8. How to be. This kinda goes with the Sabbath point, but I was trained to do all sorts of things in ministry. And I did them faithfully for decades. But it wasn't until sometime in my third decade of ministry that I learned--again, from a variety of sources and experiences, among them the monks of the Abbey of Gethsemane--to be. To rest in God. To repose on him. To be rather than do.

This is not intended in any way as a criticism of the wonderful men and women who did teach me way back then (or tried to, at least). Nor is it to dismiss or belittle many of the good things I learned (well, except maybe the music appreciation class). But I do think I would have been better off to substitute these eight priorities for ANY of the classes I did take (except maybe Bernard Ditmer's Old Testament class; his impression of Queen Jezebel was about the highlight of my experience).

My Top 5 Mistakes as a Pastor

Today's post here on the Desperate Pastor blog is a guest post from my friend, super-pastor Jeremy Carr. Jeremy is the lead pastor of Oxford Bible Fellowship in--you guessed it--Oxford, Ohio.

I’m not completely sure that the following are my top five mistakes as a pastor, as the title of this post promises, but they are five...out of a million. Some more serious, some just stupidly funny.

1. Using an illustration of my wife in a message without her permission.

This is a mistake preachers should only make once, especially if you want to remain married. I can’t even remember what the illustration was, but it was one of the dumbest decisions I’ve made. My wife is very generous with what she allows me to share, but some things are just off limits. It’s okay if I look bad; not okay to make her look bad. And after all, she IS amazing (hoping that makes up for it a bit).

2. Thinking I’m the Savior.

This is probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned. I remember early in ministry getting so excited to save marriages and restore families and heal all the wounds…only to find out I am massively inadequate. After the first marriage crisis continued to go up in smoke even after my incredible attempts to save it, I finally realized that I’m not the Savior, Jesus doesn’t need me, and I am desperate for him to work. I’m thankful that he uses us, but he doesn’t need us. He is the only Savior.

3. Thinking I’m Superman.

Only slightly better than my savior complex, for a while I thought I could lead everything, counsel everyone, and preach as many services as the day would allow. Then, after a semester of 4 Sunday services, pursuing a doctorate, leading a growing church with a limited staff, and trying to care for our then family of 5, I nearly quit the ministry. While it stinks to have a near burn out, I think every young pastor needs to get there before you understand how important the physical and emotional side of pastoring is. Only Jesus is Superman. We humans will have to settle for good rest, limits, delegation, exercise, down time, and recharging.

4. Failing to Confront and Hold Staff Accountable.

I’m thankful to work with a great staff. We have a great team environment, care for each other, and seek to advance the Gospel together. But as the team leader, I’ve had to learn some “boss” lessons the hard way. The biggest has been to lovingly and consistently hold my staff accountable. I have tended to be vague, inconsistent, and way too patient with underachieving staff members. I feared confronting and holding their feet to the fire. So I would let things go until I couldn’t handle it any more. Then I would abruptly fire someone I thought was performing poorly. The problem was that they were shocked and confused. I thought it was clear that they were failing, but the problem was that I had not communicated well and had not required accountability. This is a tough area. No one likes to confront and keep others accountable. But good leaders learn to do it. I’m not there yet, but I’m hoping to make some good progress in this area.

5. Preaching Blunders.

There is a mess of these. So here are a few. I’ve accidentally mispronounced many words, but the worst was when one came out as a cuss word. I think it began with an “S.” The college students loved it. I was rather embarrassed.

I’ve devoured Uno’s Chicken Fajita pizza on Saturday evening. You can imagine what that did to me on Sunday morning. Not a good idea, especially will multiple services to preach.

After doing some baptisms early in the service, in which I got fully wet, I went to change and realized I failed to pack clean boxers. Not a fun day to be preaching.

Like I said, those are just a few. I’ll probably add a new one this Sunday.

My Top Ten Successes as a Pastor

A couple days ago I reflected on some of my failings and failures as a pastor (a tough job, narrowing all that material down to just ten items). Today I thought I'd exit the confessional and with the understanding that every one of the following must be swallowed only with the phrase, "by the grace and endless patience of God," I offer my (more or less) top ten successes over thirty-plus years (and four churches) as a pastor:

1. Guiding many to faith in Christ. No idea how many, but I treasure such memories as the recovering alcoholic kneeling at the altar, the brainy young woman at the coffeehouse table, the couple who entered premarital counseling as skeptics and got married as new Christ-followers, and the man who said he'd never felt "good enough" to give his life to Christ but ended up tearfully surrendering in the presence of me and his wife.

2. Staying married. This may not seem like a "pastoral success," but it is a victory to maintain a vibrant marriage through the strains and stresses of ministry. Of course, it's due mostly to my wife's wisdom and patience, but still...

3. Avoiding even the hint of scandal. Early in our ministry, my wife and I were given wise counsel to build strong boundaries and safeguards into our ministry, which we did. As a result, my deep storehouse of cluelessness and stupidity never resulted in anything remotely resembling a scandal--sexual, financial, or otherwise.

4. Raising two awesome kids. Again, not everyone would list this among their ministry triumphs, but I totally do. As I've posted elsewhere on this blog (here), I consider my marriage and family to be my first ministry priority (after the care of my own soul). So, though this, too, is due primarily to my wife's wisdom and patience, to have played a part in the raising of such exceptional people as Aubrey and Aaron is a great honor and joy (3 John 4).

5. Influencing and ordaining people for ministry. Over the years, we've been honored to play a small role in the decisions and direction of a dozen or more people who have entered full-time ministry and gone on to serve God with amazing effectiveness. They may not have been aware of our prayers. They may not remember our influence (if we had any). But we remember them with great and abiding gratitude and joy.

6. Helping God heal broken hearts. Repeatedly, it seems, the lovely Robin and I entered ministry situations where people's hearts had been broken. Some had been wounded by a pastor or church worker. Some were alienated from the church. We thank God that he allowed us to play a part in healing many broken hearts, and restoring many to the fellowship of the saints.

7. Starting Cobblestone Community Church. If you had told me thirty-three years ago that I would one day help to start a new church, I would have called you crazy. It was not in my sights. It was not in my skill set. But God gave me that honor, inexplicably.

8. Becoming a praying pastor. I wish it weren't true, but it is: I was not a man of prayer when I started in the ministry. And it took some time for God to revolutionize my prayer life, but he did. I thank him from the bottom of my heart that my later years of pastoral ministry were undergirded by prayer. They probably would have killed me, otherwise.

9. Making and cultivating lifelong friendships. At the very start of our ministry, the lovely Robin and I were counseled by some folks we respect to keep "a healthy distance" between ourselves and people in the church. We decided together to ignore that advice, and we've never been sorry. We treasure the friendships we made with God's people, many of which remain not only intact but close to this day.

10. Leaving things better than before. In ministry as in camping, it has always been a goal of mine to leave things better than I found them. I think the lovely Robin and I managed that, by God's grace. We had ups and downs, of course, but God granted us growth--numerically and spiritually--in each church. We managed to resurrect a failed capital campaign in our first church, breaking ground on an addition the day we were told we'd be moving. We inaugurated a groundbreaking child care center at our church in Cincinnati. We teamed with others to acquire land and build The Loft, the current home of Cobblestone Community Church. Over the years we saw people change and grow; we saw their faith deepen and broaden. We helped guide hundreds of thousand of dollars to missions efforts all over the world. We baptized, counseled, dedicated, married, and buried some of the finest people on the face of the earth. And more, but all of it by the grace of God.

Looking back, it is worth noting that the things I value most highly today are not the programs we ran or the budgets I administered. Not even the sermons I preached, though I always found great joy in that. Most of the "successes," if it's even appropriate to call them that, were the result of plodding faithfulness and relationship building. They were battles won in my prayer chair and in the day-to-day "inglorious" tasks of marriage, parenthood, friendship, and love.

Ten Things I've Learned in Twenty-Five Years as a Pastor

Today's post here on the Desperate Pastor blog is a guest post from my friend, super-pastor Chris Russell. Chris pastors Veritas Church in Monroe, Ohio. He blogs at SensibleFaith.com.

I was pouring a cup of coconut-mocha-flavored coffee recently when it dawned on me that I have now been involved in pastoral ministry for over twenty-five years. Wow! That sure gave me reason to stop and ponder the great things God has done in the past … [gulp] … quarter of a century of my life! It’s really been a life of learning. As I think back over those years of ministry, here are some things that God has taught me through the past twenty-five years:

1) Most people are in great need of authentic love.
Not everyone knows it, and not everyone admits it, but they are in great need of being loved. When a person lives without a close “tribe” of people in his life who really cares for him (or her), then many other problems begin to emerge in that person’s life. I believe that is why God made love so central to the Christian faith. God knows we need that love in our lives, and that can be so beautifully experienced through life in the Church.

2) Commitment Ain’t What it Used to Be.
People just aren’t all that “into” commitment these days, it would seem. Early in my ministry, it seemed like the core leaders in the church normally attended church about eight or nine out of every ten Sundays. Occasional attendees would attend maybe one or two times per month. My experience today, however, is that even core leaders seem to average attending two-to-three times a month. I believe our “busy-ness” today has caused many to drift from those commitments that could bring the most benefit to their lives and families.

3) You can’t make people change who do not want to change.
Early on in my ministry, I thought it was my fault when people would continue in poor patterns of behavior. But God eventually showed me that people must want to change if they are going to be able to change at all. My job was to give them God’s truth. Their job was to commit to obeying God’s truth.

4) People know shockingly little about the Bible.
I am regularly surprised at the low amounts of Bible knowledge people seem to have today. In the midst of so many controversial issues in our culture, it’s no wonder we often hear Christians arguing for positions that are antithetical to biblical principles. Many people who claim to be speaking from a Christian vantage point are merely expressing their own opinions with no biblical basis at all. Imagine how different this would be if people actually took time to learn God’s perspectives through the Scriptures.

5) Every person, in one way or another, is fighting a big battle.
We often assume that we are the only ones struggling while others around us have it easy. But the reality is that all of us struggle, and those battles are often very similar. When you take time to get to know “people without problems,” you find out that they struggle just like everyone else. With this in mind, we should maintain a spirit of grace as we interact with others each day.

6) God takes great delight in using under-qualified people.
It has been such a joy over the years to see God doing extraordinary things through ordinary people. When someone tells me they don’t think they really have much talent or many skills for serving the Lord, I think, “Perfect, you’re exactly the type of person that God loves to use! That way, he gets the credit.”

7) God can rescue/change any life. ANY LIFE.
In twenty-five years of ministry, I have seen God rescue people from just about every type of destructive lifestyle imaginable. Alcoholism. Sexual addictions. Those who abuse or become abused in relationships. Even murderers have discovered forgiveness and restoration through Jesus. God can change you and me, too.

8) You can’t change your past, but you can change your future.
Some people spend their lives staring through the rear-view mirror. All they can think about are the mistakes they’ve made in the past. I am so thankful that we serve a God of forgiveness and restoration. The reality is that I cannot do anything to change the messes I’ve made in the past. However, I CAN make changes in my life that will ensure that my future is a completely different story.

9) It’s best to invest your greatest resources in that which will still be around in ten thousand years.
This world is so temporary! There is no real use in putting your greatest energies and resources into life on this side of grave. We will get the greatest return when we invest in that which is spiritual: our relationship with God and the souls of others around us.

10) The last chapter of history has already been written.
I have discovered that I do not need to get stressed out about what I see going on in the world around me. The reality is that the last chapter of history has already been written. For those of us who know Christ, it ends well, no matter how difficult things may get in the interim.